I would like to introduce myself. My name is Mike Kaminski.
Life After Russain Roulette is a psychological thriller based on true accounts from my life as an undercover detective in Baltimore during the mid to late 1970s. Immersed in a world of drug groups, organized crime and police corruption I became addicted to “the game” as I wrestled mentally with illegal, unethical and immoral choices as the lines of good and bad, right and wrong, blurred before my eyes to justifying the end goal of taking down powerful crime organizations. Some of these busts include: high power drug rings, one ruthless motorcycle gang, illegal activities at the Coast Guard Yard and even a man notorious for disposing of bodies by compacting them in cars in his junkyard. To catch the worst criminals we have to become criminals ourselves, and this moral downslide inevitably leads to depression, suicidal thoughts and mentally destructive actions as I numbed my true feelings with increased addiction to alcohol.However, the mass consumption of alcohol could not block out the images of the people I had hurt, the lives I had destroyed and the visions of the individuals I had helped to die. Even after suspension and resignation from the force the ghosts continued to haunt me like demons locked in the distorted dark cave of my mind and soul.
Somehow, through the mental fog, I gained an awareness and realization that my spiritual connection and faith in God had saved me from death after several attempts on my life. I could run from the demons but I could not hide. The thought of death became my only escape from the hell I had created.
A near fatal automobile accident was supposed to be the end of my story, but when I awoke in the hospital, high on Morphine, I made a commitment to God: For sparing my life, I would devote the rest of it to God. Unfortunately this was not the end of my struggles with alcohol and suicidal tendencies as my demons followed me into seminary and my new life of faith.
After receiving ordination and struggling spiritually to find my faith working in parish ministry, I finally find the one blessing I had been searching for all of my life – LOVE. With Sharon I would come to know, understand and feel a level of love that transcends all. My oasis of happiness was short lived however as God ripped her from my life and our world just as suddenly as God had presented her to me in the beginning. Unlike most stories, this book does not have a happy ending. It is a true story of the internal struggle over good and evil that every human faces during their life.
The reader creates an emotional connection through understanding the inner conflicts of my life: depression, alcoholism, addiction, thoughts and even desires of suicide, hatred and anger toward one’s self through guilt and the shame of living with the demons that haunt us. Finding and struggling with spirituality, faith, and a God that sometimes seems as cruel as we are.
Life After Russian Roulette